Am I a nerd to feel excited about my work? When the results of the event I was following today came in just now, I jumped up and down at my desk a little bit. Not because it was good news or anything but because it was quite unexpected and definitely something in which (certain, very specific) people would be interested. I am a nerd.
I don't even know if I'm good at my job. I think I'm okay. Passable enough not to be singled out for criticism but not spectacular. And I realise now that I'm actually rather used to being good at things; sometimes at my job I feel completely in over my head and out of my depth and these are extremely alien sentiments. It doesn't help that I work with people who are very good at what they do and who know so much and I wonder if the day will ever come when I can speak so confidently and insightfully about my beat. There's not a single person at my desk (okay, maybe there's one) about whom I've never thought, man, I wish I was more like him/her. I really should work harder.
* * * * * *
Today I got an email out of the blue from someone I met only once and don't know very well. But it got me thinking about my old blog, the pink one I set up to chronicle my post-breakup neuroses. So I've decided to make most of my previously private entries public in an (extremely self-elevating) attempt to help anyone else who might be going through a breakup and need to know how other people survived it. I deleted the too-personal bits and what's left could have been written by anyone who's ever been dumped and refer to anyone who's ever dumped someone, which is kind of the whole point.
And remember hor, that when I wrote all that stuff my breakup was the worst thing that had ever happened to me in a sheltered 20+yr life that had known nothing but love and happiness. That shouldn't in any way discredit or undermine the very acute feelings I described but, if you're reading for the first time, do put it all into perspective.
(It seems like such a long time since all that happened but actually it's been less than three months. Rereading my old entries made me remember the devastation but rather than reliving the pain I'm only reliving a memory of the pain, if that makes any sense. And over time I'll relive even that reminiscence and so on, and that's the secret to the healing power of time - innate forgetfulness.)
To G: hope it helps to know that you're not alone. Keep your chin up. :)
posted by zyn ::
8:03 PM ::
5 Comments ::
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