on compromise
(A long overdue post, in response to the young punk who thinks we're all settling.)
Really, I blame books and movies. We should be taught from a young age that all fiction is, if not outright lies, then cleaned-up versions of other people's fantasies.
The stories tell us that we're special people who deserve nothing but the best our imaginations can conjure. But that's ridiculous. None of us is special, or different, or unique. We know that. And we're somehow convinced that if we can find the right person, that one perfect fit who thinks we're perfect too, then that will make us different. That will make us special.
Over the years we go from relationship to relationship, and one of two things happens: we get more and more choosy, and less and less happy; or we get more and more disenchanted, and less and less perfectionist. Either way we lose. The staunch singleton; the childhood sweethearts; the love-at-first-sight-married-in-six-months couple; the long-term cohabitants; the on-and-off pair - no one is perfectly happy with the person they end up with, if they end up with anyone at all. You're not going to get the fairytale courtship, the undying devotion, the eternal fidelity. Most of us won't even get a diamond, much less of the four-carat variety.
So I guess this is what I'm saying: don't look for happiness. Don't seek perfection. It's not out there; it's not a matter of time; you don't have a right to it. Be happy, instead, with what you do have. That imperfect, tempestuous, restless, predictable relationship. That lonely, exciting, unsatisfying, content singlehood.
We all have to settle. The tragedy is in believing that settling makes us worse off for it.
I must add, though, that it's easy to say all this when your boyfriend has just picked you up from the office at 11pm with a big hug and a huge cheery yellow smiley-face balloon just because you had a bad day.
So it's not the perfect relationship. That doesn't mean it can't be the best.
posted by zyn ::
1:29 AM ::
14 Comments ::
permalink
--------------------------------------------------------::--------------------------------------------------------
