This NYT article I read on Sunday manages to put into words - albeit very extreme ones - everything I've always struggled to say about female friendships.
Over the years, I have come to reluctantly accept that I have more male friends than female ones. My reason for this is so innate it's difficult to explain, but it's simply this: guys are easier to get along with than girls.
Some people like to dismiss that, in an irritating fashion, as sexual tension. "Of course it's easier to get along with the opposite sex, you just flirt lah!"
But that's not really it. For one thing, most of my male friends are gay. It's just that guys are generally more laid-back and less catty. Or at least less genuinely claws-bared, daggers-out, no-holds-barred catty. They're less obsessive, less insecure, less competitive. With girls it's always about exclusion - backhanded compliments, meaningful glances, sly smirks. I hate that. Guys don't do that. They just don't have that many levels in their brains. That's why they can be more chill.
The number of good female friends I have, I can count on my fingers (maybe toes, on a good day). They are without exception people I respect with sincerity. I don't really need to respect my male friends, though. Not that I don't, just that I've never had to think about it.
I'm not sure I believe girls who say they have a whole group of extremely loyal and purely female friends. I've never met any group that had absolutely no backstabbing or resentment or one-upping. Mixed groups are better, some of the tension is taken out by the presence of disparate guys.
So the barriers to entry may be higher for girls to make other female friends, but I think the ones who do pass muster at the end are much more worth it.
posted by zyn ::
7:38 PM ::
4 Comments ::
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