On open-mindedness
People say being open-minded is a good thing. But they also say you should have values. So how do you reconcile having fixed standpoints on certain issues while saying you're not closed off to all other alternatives?
For a while, but especially recently, I've been struggling a lot with this. And my conclusion, decided only about two hours ago, is that you can only be as open-minded as your intrinsic values allow you to be. At this point I'm sure some people will say there's no such thing - or at least there shouldn't be such a thing - as "intrinsic" values. Individual experience creates some values, society dictates the rest. So values are only as universal as the majority decides at that time.
But I believe that individual values are formed at a relatively young age, say during your teenage years, and that they don't change much after that, barring extenuating circumstances such as a sudden traumatic episode. So you can try to convince yourself to be as truly open-minded as possible, but the scope of that possibility has already been determined fairly early on. By "open-minded" I mean being able to understand, accept, AND adopt the views in question. For instance, if you are "open-minded" about other people having an abortion, but you wouldn't do it yourself; if you are tolerant of polygamy, but you would never enter into a polygamous relationship - that's not "true" open-mindedness by my (deliberately narrow) definition.
The sort of open-mindedness that allows you to let other people have their own views while staying convinced of your own is a compromised open-mindedness, which is what most of us live with. And I think that in order to really feel comfortable with and get close to someone, they have to have a similar version of open-mindedness as you. Having to explain why you hold certain immutable values - pro-choice, pro-gay, pro-monogamy - is healthy, but feeling forced to always justify them to someone who really doesn't understand because he or she doesn't have that value (and, often, doesn't want to) is just too draining to be beneficial in any way.
posted by zyn ::
10:11 PM ::
2 Comments ::
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on writing columns
When I started writing my column last year, I had no idea what sort of columnist I would be. Of course I hoped I would be a good one, but more than that, I wondered if I would acquire a persona, a character, an alter ego. It's probably still too early to say, but I think the one constant feature I try to put into every piece is humour.
This often makes me come across very flippant. To some extent I think this reflects myself in real life. Very few things in life are so important to me that I take them ultra-seriously and can't see any humour in them at all. In everything else there is wit; tragedy and comedy, after all, are two sides of the same coin.
But with each column that is published, I realise that everything I treat with levity is someone else's deadly serious topic. People are always keen to "put me right" and "set me straight". And despite my best efforts to keep my ego in check, this rankles. The thought that a reader has missed my point and yet condescends to reeducate me is irritating to no end.
Of course there is also the possibility that I'm not as hilarious as I think I am - just because I make myself laugh doesn't mean everyone will feel the same way.
Fortunately (for my ego), for every hate mail I get, I usually receive on average 1.5 fan mails. This means that there are still more people out there who have a sense of humour than otherwise. And I think that is the one thing I've really learned from writing this column - not to take anything for granted. There are lots of intelligent people in the world, and some of them read what I write! And then they write back, and have something else interesting to say!
I realise this entire entry is rather cocky to begin with, building on the assumption that most of the other people in the world are less smart than me. Perhaps I will write a column about that and get more hate mail than fan mail. But in the meantime, the little spark of joy I get every time someone articulate writes in to say they enjoy what I write is probably the closest thing to true happiness I've ever experienced in my life.
posted by zyn ::
7:53 PM ::
3 Comments ::
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