On open-mindedness
People say being open-minded is a good thing. But they also say you should have values. So how do you reconcile having fixed standpoints on certain issues while saying you're not closed off to all other alternatives?
For a while, but especially recently, I've been struggling a lot with this. And my conclusion, decided only about two hours ago, is that you can only be as open-minded as your intrinsic values allow you to be. At this point I'm sure some people will say there's no such thing - or at least there shouldn't be such a thing - as "intrinsic" values. Individual experience creates some values, society dictates the rest. So values are only as universal as the majority decides at that time.
But I believe that individual values are formed at a relatively young age, say during your teenage years, and that they don't change much after that, barring extenuating circumstances such as a sudden traumatic episode. So you can try to convince yourself to be as truly open-minded as possible, but the scope of that possibility has already been determined fairly early on. By "open-minded" I mean being able to understand, accept, AND adopt the views in question. For instance, if you are "open-minded" about other people having an abortion, but you wouldn't do it yourself; if you are tolerant of polygamy, but you would never enter into a polygamous relationship - that's not "true" open-mindedness by my (deliberately narrow) definition.
The sort of open-mindedness that allows you to let other people have their own views while staying convinced of your own is a compromised open-mindedness, which is what most of us live with. And I think that in order to really feel comfortable with and get close to someone, they have to have a similar version of open-mindedness as you. Having to explain why you hold certain immutable values - pro-choice, pro-gay, pro-monogamy - is healthy, but feeling forced to always justify them to someone who really doesn't understand because he or she doesn't have that value (and, often, doesn't want to) is just too draining to be beneficial in any way.
posted by zyn ::
10:11 PM ::
2 Comments ::
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