Waiting (not by Ha Jin)
I'm very not good at things like being patient and having endurance and generally not being able to do anything but wait. Seven more months seems like forever. I really wonder if I can last that long and if it's even worth it to hold out for that time. I tell myself no choice lah, what to do, but the truth is, there is a choice, and I made the decision to wait a long time ago. I just hope I don't end up regretting the whole bloody endeavour.
Don't mean to sound so down on CNY but the truth is I'm very tired. I feel like for the first time in my life I don't really know which direction I'm going in. It was so easy when we were young and every step of the way seemed to be mapped out, but now I'm at the final step and I don't know what comes next and I'm not even sure how long this step will last. The possibilities are overwhelming and I can see why people tend to shrink from choice and just hold on to whatever they have, even if it may not be the best thing, just for security. This is why I'm so exhausted all the time; there's too much to choose from and I'm way overcommitted as it is but I still want to try so many more new things.
The good thing about CNY, though, is family. I don't know about other people but being around my extended family always means unconditional acceptance and respect even in the face of an abject incapability of understanding or empathy. And it's been very relaxing, for once, because I'm young (so don't have to suffer "when you getting married ah?"-type questions) and skinny ("wah put on a lot of weight hor") and out of school ("so what's your gpa?" yes my relatives ask that).
One more day, only one more day. Sigh.
posted by zyn ::
7:14 PM ::
4 Comments ::
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