fly away
Heading to Bangkok day after tomorrow with my family. Should be interesting. I haven't travelled with them since we went to New York after my graduation, during which time I handed them a bag of maps and city guides and told them to have fun exploring! while I stayed in the hotel room and slept till 1.
My parents' idea of a holiday:
6am: wake up
7am: have breakfast
8am: visit museum
9am: visit historic site
10am: have tea
11am: visit landmark
12pm: visit church
1pm: have lunch
2pm: visit museum 2
3pm: visit historic site 2
4pm: have tea
5pm: visit landmark 2
6pm: visit church 2
7pm: have dinner
8pm: plan next day
9pm: sleep
My idea of a holiday:
day 1: spa and shopping
day 2: cafes and shopping
day 3: shopping and shopping
day 4: last-minute shopping
The only thing is I don't have WoW installed on my laptop. Luckily there appears to be an Internet cafe pretty close to the hotel. I hope it has WoW; sekali by the time I come back everybody level 60 liao. Will die.
* * * * * *
For the last few months I've tried to get over my breakup by pretending that the relationship didn't exist and that it meant nothing (yes I know that's contradictory). I thought if I could convince myself that it was just nostalgia and weakness of mind then it would be something I could overcome.
But something someone told me on Monday has been nagging at me (much like what bosses should do). He said that in life maybe there will be people you can never completely stop loving, regardless of what transpired and how much you want to forget about it. And that's not stupid, he said; it's noble and life-affirming (his new catchphrase). And as much as I actually do think it's stupid and that I should be stronger than to let these feelings overrule my good sense, recent circumstances have persuaded me that he may have a point.
So - new strategy. I shall stop telling myself that this person doesn't matter to me at all. However trite the drama, however farcical the situation, my feelings are real. They're not simply, as I pretended over and over again, a symptom of misplaced affection or loneliness or a desire to relive the past. They're clear and present, built on a six-year foundation, and bugging the hell out of me. And until I can acknowledge that this is real love, and real pain, and that these feelings may never comprehensively go away, I can't start getting over it.
I'm still hoping for the day when I wake up and all I feel is indifference. But in the meantime there are other things that are stronger than this futile love and - budaoweng-esque - this still-flickering hope. Like the fact that I really, really, no choice, have to finish my lunch interview by today. Arghhhhhhhhhhhh.
posted by zyn ::
11:28 AM ::
1 Comments ::
permalink
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