it is a sad day when i am reduced to quoting fiction
The worst part was that David couldn't hate her, as he'd always hated people before when they made him feel small or rejected him. He'd paid attention because he'd wanted to understand her, and now he understood that she was scared and he understood that she'd liked him and he understood why she'd picked Paul.
He wanted to be angry with her but he wasn't really able to, because she had chosen him, once, and nobody had ever really chosen him before.
"Do you want her back?" Terry asked, softly.
David thought it over, and thought about what Terry had said about Mitsy wanting a boyfriend. She'd been willing to consider Paul or Lucas last year. She'd been flattered and pleased and they had been good to each other, and David kept thinking about that place on the nape of her neck Paul was probably kissing now, and the way she used to smile at him.
Only David didn't want to be the best choice for now. He wanted to be irreplaceable.
"No," he said at last. "But that doesn't make it any better."
If Terry or Anthony had descended to these maudlin levels, David would have slapped them, but they both looked at him sympathetically because they were nice people who would never have dreamed of torturing Paul until he begged for mercy.
"It's okay, David," Terry told him. "You're just not very good at letting go."
Which was just a stupid thing to say, because why were you supposed to be good at letting go of people you cared about? Why didn't people hang on as hard as they could, prove they weren't letting go, make the other person care?
"I don't want to let go," David snarled through the vodka. "I don't understand the concept."
* * * * * *
I just made the most difficult call of my life, giving up something I really really want to do and put in so much time and effort for and tried so hard to succeed in. But I can't do it right now because it's too emotionally draining and I have very very little left to offer. The worst part was that they were so understanding about it and said they would take me back anytime. But I will definitely come back to it.
posted by zyn ::
6:47 PM ::
1 Comments ::
permalink
--------------------------------------------------------::--------------------------------------------------------
