back to money
Need a bit of a break from the "political angst", as someone aptly put it.
So we turn our attention to the perennial problem of how money affects friendships. (Or, in other words, how to avoid being arrested for the homicide of a friend who suggested you split the bill in half after he had a filet mignon and half a bottle of wine and you, a house salad and tap water.) My friends and I now joke about "aiyah, different backgrounds lah", but the truth is, after the first few years of work the playing ground becomes truly uneven.
Especially when you have friends that come from really, really different backgrounds.
I'm not sure if this is particular to me, but I tend to enjoy myself most when I'm with people who have the same attitude towards money as I do. I don't have a lot of it, but I don't have any major financial commitments either, so my disposable income is adequate to support a lifestyle of rather careless everyday spending. I like good food and pretty things (refer to profile on left for evidence), and I like buying people cute little things that catch my eye. Paying for people's meals and other random collective bills comes naturally to me, now more than ever given that I spend most of my time with people who take turns to do the same, so everything kind of evens out in the end.
This means I seldom have the knotty and potentially relationship-destroying problem of splitting a check after asymmetrical consumption. You know - that intensely awkward moment when the bill arrives and everyone reluctantly fumbles for their wallets in slow motion, waiting for the first sucker to extract his credit card, while the waiter stands there stiffly watching yet another friendship disintegrate:
"I have friends who are economists who are comfortable getting down to the last decimal point of who owes what when we go out," Professor Conley said. Yet he feels compelled to keep quiet when he finds himself across the table from a friend who orders three glasses of wine to his tap water, then suggests they split the tab.
"It's probably because I don't want to appear petty," he explained. "I'd be battling pretty strong social norms."
"Social norms" dictate that friends don't discuss money issues because nothing highlights the disparity between standards of living - and therefore reflects the sum of one's life accomplishments - as acutely and embarrassingly as the balance in one's bank account. Adding money to any friendship/relationship equation also brings to life the big scoreboard in the sky - if I paid for this, shouldn't you be forking out for that? For all my readiness to pick up the tab, I've always tried to be a conscientious payer-back-of-loans and it makes me very uncomfortable to have someone pay for me continually, even when I'm in a relationship. I hate to 欠人情.
This is why the problem of money in a friendship (or a relationship) is best solved by making friends (or getting partners) who are at your level of and have your inclination towards disposable spending. So, if you're the kind who keeps detailed accounts (perhaps even CCTV proof) of whose credit card materialised for which bill, then you're better off in the company of people who bring calculators to group dinners.
Or - and better - make friends who are truly, sincerely, instinctively generous.
But if you can't find any of those people, opt for set meals. Or a buffet.
posted by zyn ::
10:40 PM ::
5 Comments ::
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