Played with my alt pally for a while but it got boring so I stopped. Pallys are really overpowered at the lower levels, especially with the recent patch. I think I'll start an alt horde instead so I can find out their secrets. Haha.
Are there any selfless people left in the world? I used to think I knew a lot of them, but either they've become more self-interested with age or I was just blind. I realised today that my judgements of situations and characters tend to be based on objectively measurable aspects such as fault and responsibility, whereas other people inevitably factor in their own personal assumptions, which tend to lead to very subjective condemnations. Maybe as people get older and things become greyer, the black and white stands out more clearly and selfishness becomes a choice because dithering vagueness is in itself a choice not unaligned with self-interest.
Or maybe I'm just rambling because I had to drag myself out of bed at 9.30 this morning.
Everything is a choice nowadays. The more empowered you are to make a decision, the more options you have and the harder it gets. Or maybe it's because I'm still not empowered enough. Either I move out, which would be awesome but I would feel guilty about my parents, or I get a car, which would be equally awesome but I'd be in debt for years, or I just continue my frivolous and highly enjoyable but somewhat less awesome lifestyle of Citizens jeans and Furla bags and whichever gadget I have my eye on at the moment. If only I could do all three.
What is my meaning in life? Does it matter? I used to know my direction in life so I could distract people with that when they asked me about meaning. But now there are so many paths from which to choose. Can I make a choice if I don't know what my meaning is? Or does the meaning come only after I've decided what to do? Does the fact that I'm questioning my meaning in life mean that I'm not happy? Does "meaning" look weird to you now? Why does "meaning" not mean the same thing as "being mean"? Like, that Zinne ah, always meaning to Kelwynn. Hahaha.
I told J the other day that I wanted to get married early so I could move out and start a family of my own. J looked at me and said: "You don't need to get married to be independent, you know."
I think I'm just feeling unusually weak and in need of a pillar. Preferably one with nice warm arms.
If they use my old byline pic tomorrow I'm going on a lunch interview strike. (Edit: That's it. No more lunch interviews for me.)
Server is up!
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"That's how I am," I'll say, leaving this pretext in writing: "This is really my life." But everyone knows that's not how it happens at all. Not only the cords in the net, but the air that escapes the interstices matters: the rest remains as it was: inapprehensible. Time races by like a hare in the February dew. As to love -- love that unlimbers its haunches leaving only a teaspoon of ashes to say where the burning began -- the less said the better; and the same for all mutable things: the man who bided his time never doubting the outcome, the woman who has lived out her time and will not come again-- all those who assume that, given the teeth in our head, hands, feet and an alphabet, life is only a matter of seeing things through with decorum.
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