This made me laugh out loud at the end of a horrid day, so not only is it worth linking to, it's worth replicating in full because I know some of you lazy bastards out there never click on links. I'm shamelessly plagarising from rambotan who in turn plagarised it from someone he didn't link to so I can't link to the original either. Anyway here it is - the genius that results from taking Singlish seriously:
The Tua What is affectionately known to the Singaporean community as the Tua is a genuine social phenomenon of more-than-infrequent occurrence in the realm of interpersonal relations. It involves the failure to hold up one’s end of the bargain in a pre-arranged exchange. Most often, this is realized in agreements to meet and/or partake of a common activity. This often leaves the person on whom the tua is executed somewhat stranded, and can lead to irreparable rifts in friendships and/or permanent emotional scarring. It is of paramount importance to understand the different types of tuas that can be executed, in order to avoid falling victim to one of them; for often, a tua (or potential tua) can be identified even before its actual execution, and certain preventive – and sometimes retaliatory – measures can be taken to minimize its effect.
The Tua of (Unavoidable) Circumstances This is the only tua in which the tua-ster is absolved of all blame – it is a tua which comes about not through any conscious choice on the part of the tua-ster. In other words, the tua-ster is forced, by extenuating circumstances beyond his control, to execute the dreaded tua! Some circumstances which are considered reasonable would include a death in the family or unfavorable weather conditions - although it is commonly accepted that what constitutes reasonable grounds for the tua is a subjective and touchy issue, and one which should be established upfront between friends. Unfortunately this is not a subject easily broached, and it is a pity that the limits to which one would accept reasonable grounds for tua can only be discovered by testing them.
The Tua of Greener Pastures Let it be said that if a friend ever pulled the tua of Greener Pastures on you, it would be time to seriously re-evaluate your friendship. This particular tua involves the executing of the tua and the breaching of a agreed meeting for the reason that the opportunity to pursue a course of action that potentially yielded greater utility presented itself. In other words, something more interesting popped up. Persons with the emotional capacity to feel no remorse at committing the tua of Greener Pastures are dangerous persons with sick and twisted minds, and should be avoided at all costs.
The Tua of Poor Organisation There are many different forms which the tua of Poor Organisation can take – as such this is a tua which one should be on an especial lookout for. Causes of this tua would include miscommunications, misinterpretations, an inability to commit to and confirm meeting times and places and other such very avoidable situations. It is also possible for the tua of Poor Organisation to be simultaneously inflicted on more than one person. In the simple two-party example, we can see how a failure to specify a meeting place can lead to both persons to be waiting for each other concurrently, each gradually coming under the impression that he/she had been tua-ed.
The Tua of Assumed Participation This happens when the victim mistakenly assumes that the tua-ster has signified intent of participation, and is such let down when he/she indicates his/her true intent. Even though blame cannot be attributed to the tua-ster for creating such a situation, it would still be beneficial to all if potential tua-sters could avoid sending out mixed signals which could be easily misinterpreted.
The Domino-effect Tua The Domino-effect tua is easily explained when you consider that each person has a set schedule, and once that set schedule is disrupted, it can be hard to get it back on track. This tua happens when the tua-ster has himself been tua-ed for a certain event, and thus decides, or is forced to, tua the next person that he is supposed to meet, God bless his poor unsuspecting soul. In the equilibrium situation, it follows that if someone is late to meet you by 20 minutes (thereby tua-ing you by 20 minutes), you will tua the next person you meet by 20 minutes – and so it follows ad infinitum, resulting in a Domino-effect tua.
The Snowball-effect Tua This is an extended, more insidious version of the Domino-effect tua. The Snowball-effect tua operates on the same tit-for-tat principles as the Domino-effect tua; unfortunately in this tua there exists a multiplier in the conversion from tit to tat. This happens when the tua-ster is tua-ed by 20 minutes and subsequently tuas his next appointment by an hour. Why, you may ask? Unfortunately, no one can see into the perverse workings of the mind of the tua-ster, and that question may remain unanswered forever.
The In-Your-Face Tua This is a particularly strange phenomenon even within the sociological structure of the tua, and happens when the tua-ster shows up for his intended meeting, but for some reason or another is unable to fulfill the duties expected of him. The tua-ster thereby shows up, but politely informs his victim that he is unable to accompany him/her, wherever they might have previously agreed upon. This is a particular difficult tua to foresee and thus prevent, and is also one in which the repercussions are worth discussion. On one hand, the victim still feels the full weight of the tua, yet on the other, he finds it impossible to blame the tua-ster and should perhaps even be grateful for his appearance. The feeling of not being able to blame someone or something for a tua is frustrating beyond description, which explains the dangerous nature of this particular one.
The Pre-emptive Tua This is a particularly useful tactic to prevent yourself from falling victim to a tua, and involves the tua-ing of the would-be tua-ster, before the actual execution of any tua. This normally involves the sensing of the potential for the tua, and thus nipping the problem in the bud by executing a tua of your own. The problem in this case would be the proneness to hypersensitivity, thereby negating an otherwise satisfying outcome for the sake of one which may not be so (the classic Prisoners’ Dilemma).
The list of tuas above may not be definitive, and they are by no means exhaustive. There exists the possibility of combo tuas (a particularly sinister force), eg a Snowball Pre-emptive Tua of Greener Pastures. A well known tua-ster has also been heard to say that all tuas can be reduced, by means of rhetoric and logic (read: flimsy excuses) to the tua of Unavoidable Circumstances. It is plain to see that our understanding of tuas is not only limited, but by definition can only be in retrospect. It is hoped that a greater awareness of the different types of tuas, as well as the conditions in which they occur, can lead to a world safer from the evil machinations of tua-sters.
posted by zyn ::
12:26 AM ::
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