chicken soup for the soul
Bereft of argumentative discussion over the last few days, I unwisely provoked my mother during dinner tonight, much in the manner of an village idiot who, in an idle moment, pokes a pointy stick through the cardboard cage of a sleeping circus bear.
Me (brightly):
So! What's the Catholic church's stance on the gospel of Judas?
[My brother and father pause with forks halfway to their mouths.]
My mum:
Stance? What stance? There's no stance.
[Forks resume motion with sighs of hungry relief.]
My mum:
... The Judas thing isn't a gospel at all.
[Forks are reluctantly put down.]
Me (delighted to smell blood in the air):
Oh! Really! Then what is it?
My mum:
Well, gospels are good news, and this isn't good news. I mean, it portrays Judas as a good guy! And we all know that's not true, otherwise he wouldn't have killed himself. Anyway it doesn't fit in with the other gospels, the true gospels.
Me:
How do you know those are true gospels? There are like, dozens of gospels! Someone probably just randomly picked four and said, 'Oh, these look grammatical, it'll save us having to hire an editor.'
[My brother surreptitiously moves the knives away from my mum while my dad frantically signals for the check]
My mum:
Don't be ridiculous, the bible is God's word. God decides what goes into it.
Me:
So God sat down one day at his desk and compiled the bible and stapled it and then, like, threw it down from heaven?
My mum:
Look, the bible has a central theme of God's creation and goodness and you would know that if you went to church more often because you know what happens to people who don't go to church? They -
But I never find out my fate-to-be because my brother chooses at that point to fake his own death by choking on a tofu.
'tis sad, the lengths I go to for self-amusement.
posted by zyn ::
1:31 AM ::
6 Comments ::
permalink
--------------------------------------------------------::--------------------------------------------------------
