oh, and also get stamps
Every day, one person commits suicide in Singapore.
In fact, more Singaporeans die from suicide than from accidents, according to some study that was done in March.
The thing is - and I've known this for some time, although I don't know how I know it - that most people regret killing themselves immediately after they start doing it. Sometimes they can be saved, like if they slit their wrists (you bleed to death very slowly. And painfully) or if they take pills. But poison, or jumping, is usually fatal.
This is common sense. So people who are really serious about killing themselves (if you can be not-so-serious), who think they won't regret it, choose the no-way-back methods. Of course there's almost no way of knowing if they do regret it.
What I'm trying to say is, things do get better. "Suicidal behavior is crisis-oriented and acute in nature - if you can get a suicidal person through his crisis, chances are extremely good that he won’t kill himself later."
Against this is the intrinsically fascinating nature of suicide, the agency - and the knowledge of that agency - of irreversible termination. Of pulling the plug, of pouring water on exposed wires, of pressing shift-delete without recovery software (isn't it amazing how many analogies of ultimate annihilation are technologically-related?).
And then there's the tragic romance associated with suicide notes ('I’m going to walk to the bridge', says one. 'If one person smiles at me on the way, I will not jump.'). I, for one, have spent many an idle hour twirling my hair and composing a poetic farewell which, like my deathbed homily and Oscar acceptance speech, will probably never see the light of day.
Singapore is one of the few countries where attempted suicide is still illegal. Actual suicide I don't know, although I've heard horror stories about people being buried with handcuffs on.
I'm not going to discount anyone's depth of emotion by asking rhetorical questions like, why would anyone want to kill themselves? siao or what?
But I shall offer, humbly, without any formal psychological training, some advice for people who find themselves confronted with an unexpectedly suicidal friend:
1. Don't judge, give advice, be morbid, belittle feelings, share personal anecdotes, or blithely reassure. This includes statements like, "har? why you go and do that for?", "I tell you, you should just do this", "well, it could be worse", "can't be that bad lah", "that exact same thing happened to me this one time" and "don't worry, everything will be okay".
2. Listen. This usually involves, like, being quiet.
3. Whatever you do, don't leave the person hanging. Don't say, "eh I busy now, I call you back later"; or worse, "oops it's time for me to go out with my friends and get on with my life that is very worth living!"
4. Promise to follow up after the conversation with a specific agenda and time - call back, meet up, whatever - and really do it.
5. If you're out of your depth, advise your friend to call Samaritans of Singapore (1800-221-4444). They're good people and they know what they're doing.
I must say the whole concept of suicide is oddly compelling to me. I should go read up more on it, if anyone knows any good literature.
In the meantime, this is what started all the (probably pretentious) pontification. One of the most engaging articles I've read in a long time. Also my birthday is mentioned in the first paragraph and you know me and self-absorption.
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"You are lucky to be alive. So live every day to the fullest. Love yourself, okay? Okay."
posted by zyn ::
8:08 PM ::
3 Comments ::
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