I hope I didn't offend anyone with my last post, which wasn't calculated to offend. I seldom intend to offend. I am a pacifist. Except when people piss me off.
Lately I've been thinking about mistakes. About how sometimes you want to do something, and it seems like a stupid idea, and everyone tells you it's a stupid idea, and you kind of know deep down inside that it's a stupid idea. But you still go ahead and do it anyway because you have to find out for yourself, first-hand, what a stupid idea it is.
And once in a while, against all odds, it turns out to be a good move. But more often than not you discover that hey, actually it was a really stupid idea.
The beauty of it, though, is that most mistakes are redeemable. People - and, occasionally, hair - have a boundless capacity for forgiveness. And, possibly more importantly, forgetfulness. But only, of course, if the stupid idea is a one-off aberration and not, say, the latest manifestation of chronic stupidity.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm grateful for all the second chances I've ever gotten. And that I will in turn try to let more things go.
On a side note, I'm killing Ango'rosh Ogres to get mushroom samples, and every time I charge this particular one he says "You no take mushroom!" It's soooo cute I just want to hug him. Except that he's carrying this huge-ass axe and chopping away at me with it. Oh well, as HQ always says, girls only like guys who treat them like shit. :)
On the other side of the note, I am highly tormented by all these decisions I have to make. Should I buy a new computer now ahead of the GST hike in two weeks or should I wait for the next IT fair to roll around? Should I buy a CD/DVD hi-fi set or a iPod-dock hi-fi set or both? Should I buy a 20-inch monitor or go all out and buy a 24-inch? Should I buy a new bag for CNY?
I foresee an unproductive week ahead.
posted by zyn ::
1:42 AM ::
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People like to quote this passage from Corinthians 13, but they always conveniently quote only verses 4 to 7:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
There is, however, a verse 8:
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
Love, it seems, makes you stupid. I can attest to that.
posted by zyn ::
12:40 PM ::
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I just want to say for the record that I'm cancelling my DBS cards because DBS has lousy customer service and shit PR and they've just made me look very stupid.
I'd close my savings account too but the only ATM in my office is DBS, damnit.
Anyway if anyone is interested, Citibank has absolutely the best customer service. And most of the other banks are close behind but DBS sucks ass.
Okay got that off my chest.
posted by zyn ::
11:51 AM ::
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I woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning and things rapidly went downhill from there. If I were in a cartoon, by the time I left the house, there would have been a thick swirly green sulk-cloud around my head.
So I proceeded to rebond my hair.
I wanted to buy a home theatre system too but rebonding took four hours and by the time I was done I was starving.
Just as well, anyway - I need something to do the next time I wake up in a bad mood. Haha.
Fortunately I'm on leave until Thursday, so potential for bad mood is massively reduced.
Now I have to kill voidwalkers.
posted by zyn ::
12:22 AM ::
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IN THE article, 'Moochers, stop trespassing on my property' (ST, Jan 13), Dr Andy Ho could come to his conclusion only by intellectualising from the wrong analogy.
This is not about your neighbour coming into your home because you left your door unlocked or his meddling with the signals between your router and your computer in your house. Instead, we should think about:
Your lawn sprinkler spraying water into your neighbour's garden.
Your huge fruit tree dropping leaves, branches and ripe fruit into your neighbour's garden.
The wind blowing the seeds of your patented GM crop into your neighbour's farm.
In these cases, case law is clear: your neighbour is entitled to do as he likes. The 'moocher' does not come into your house to use your network. It's your network that has extended beyond your house because you failed to secure it with a password. There is no trespass of your property. On the contrary, it's your network that has trespassed your neighbour's property.
My laptop logs onto any unsecured network within reach automatically and it took me a while to realise that.
This intellectualising should not result in a wrongdoer being charged with the wrong crime (of mooching rather than communicating a bomb hoax).
Anyone who fails to secure his network should expect to suffer the inconvenience of being the prime suspect if some criminal activity was carried out on his network. He and his service provider owe society a duty to ensure that password control is effective.
Imagine if the network was indeed used by terrorists. Or imagine that your neighbour's teenage daughter used your unsecured network to access porno sites, or some chatroom, and was seduced as a result.
Property stocks are shooting up but I can't buy them, for an obvious reason. So last September I decided to start a fantasy portfolio to find out how much I'm losing out on. I played it safe and concentrated on office and luxury home players.
And here are the results:
Wheelock: $1.71, now $2.62 Keppel Land: $4.60, now $7.45 Ho Bee: $0.92, now $1.51 CityDev: $9.90, now $14.80 CapitaLand: $2.23, now $2.45
If I'd bought one lot of each, it would have cost me $19,360. If I'd sold it all now, I would get $28,830. Return = $9,740 = 48.9 per cent in less than four months, minus fees etc.
Anyway I need (non-property-related) investment tips now. Anyone have any ideas?
posted by zyn ::
7:48 PM ::
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I want to remember this feeling, the unadulterated thrill of unanticipated happiness, because it will never happen again. After this I will know what to expect and what to judge myself against. And maybe this is the best it gets - but I don't think I'll ever really believe that, because I will always think I can do better.
The question is, how much am I willing to give up to test that theory?
* * * * * *
Someone, either kindly or accidentally, left a free invite for The History Boys on my desk so I went to see it just now. It's a bit cliched but it has its moments, and I really liked it because it reminded me of S E Hinton's The Outsiders - the same kind of teenagery-testosteroney-angst-but-fundamentally-good-people type themes.
I realise that I like a lot of kids' books. Harry Potter explodes to mind, but I recently read Ender's Game on Andrew's recommendation and I loved it. I read through the night on a weekday because I couldn't put it down. I don't know what this says about me, but I'd prefer it if no one volunteered a suggestion. :)
posted by zyn ::
12:07 AM ::
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The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition - better known to those of us who did Psych 101 as DSM-IV - has seven criteria for what is called "substance dependence".
Tolerance (increased amounts/reduced effects)
Withdrawal syndrome
Often using larger amounts or using for longer periods than intended
A persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control substance use
Spending much time obtaining the substance
Giving up or reducing important social, occupational or recreational activities because of substance use
Continuing substance use despite knowing you have a persistent or recurrent physical or psychological problem likely to have been caused or exacerbated by the substance
Almost all of them apply. Especially (6), especially today. I'm screwed.
On the bright side, despite my debilitating disease, I had an extremely productive day. I went to the gym, bought a CD at HMV, and - get this - braved the Sunday afternoon crowd at Ikea. It was deadly. People were walking around with curtain rods sticking out of their trolleys waiting to gouge the eyes out of unsuspecting victims like us. Also, and more alarmingly, I forgot what colour bookcase I was supposed to get to match the one I already have. Fortunately I had very good colour advice and very calming company with very accurate sense of direction. Haha.
One more day! So long, (real) life! 1 week leave ftw!
posted by zyn ::
1:43 AM ::
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And also to 1-for-1 lychee martinis, which are awesomeness.
I keep forgetting what my three resolutions this year are. I dutifully recite "work less" and "drink less" - and then draw a complete blank.
So, rather than subject myself to the mental acrobatics of trying to remember a resolution I clearly didn't mean that much, I have instead decided that my third resolution will be a blanket "consider the consequences".
This is especially since I have realised that news spreads quickly, and gossip spreads quicklier. (Don't tell me that's not a word, my English better than yours.) And that I may have completely misread someone's intentions, to horrifying effects. I don't know if I should attempt to make amends now, or to just pretend nothing ever happened. I feel quite bad though.
Although it was quite a good story, to bear all that repeating (and the concomitant mangling, which is the horrifying part). I must remember to tell Yen.
But all this made me think that maybe I should try to be a better person in general. As in, more goodlier.
And perhaps, in the end, we all choose to be with people who make us want to be better than we actually are. Because if we just resign ourselves to our inherent weaknesses, then life gets boring really quickly - and meaningless even quicklier.
posted by zyn ::
3:00 AM ::
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There's a lot I need to get off my chest but I don't know how to say it or, even, who to say it to. I think there's only one person who would really understand but he's not here and anyway he has bigger - real - problems.
So instead I went to read c's blog. Over the last several months I've thought at points that our lives have certain parallels. But he's much more candid than I am, and I often find that his blog entries express what I can't articulate even to myself.
In several posts he talks about love - wholehearted love, a love that I imagine is born only out of a providential combination of chemistry, hope, and a little bit of magic. A love possibly indomitable, but not omnipotent; neither necessary nor sufficient.
A kind of love I think about, sometimes, with wistfulness.
posted by zyn ::
2:55 AM ::
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Today, in an attempt to find out whether I was happy or not, I took this questionnaire. Because, you know, it's not enough to just feel happy or unhappy - you need an objective third party to tell you whether you're happy or not.
Anyway it turns out I am "moderately depressed", which is just one step down from "severely depressed", at which point they recommend that you put everything down (including that knife) and seek treatment immediately. Apparently if you're only "moderately depressed", you should retake the test in two weeks and see if you're any happier. If not, you should seek treatment too. It makes me suspect these people run a mental health clinic.
I was a bit depressed about being depressed, but then it turns out that other people around me (whom I then forced to take the test) were also "moderately depressed"! That made me less depressed. Perhaps if I retake the test now I will only be "mildly depressed". But I don't dare to, in case I discover that I am still "moderately depressed". That might be enough to push me over the edge to "severely depressed".
I think part of the reason I'm depressed is because Burning Crusade comes out in only eight days and I'm still far far away from my Grand Marshal gear. :( Today I went to Sim Lim to put our downpayments on the preorders and then, empowered by my ability to locate Tec-Drome, endeavoured to explore the other shops. At this point I must reveal that I am somewhat intimidated by Sim Lim. It didn't help that when I walked into Fuwell, I was the only girl in the shop (some more today wearing pink and balancing precariously on my pastel-coloured heels) and everyone turned to stare at me in shock like I was some kind of tottering pink alien.
But determined to battle my Sim Lim demons (armed only with my shoes and, as described above, the element of surprise), I boldly ventured forth to do what I do best - shop. Braving the unmistakable smell of unwashed geeks sourcing for geeky bargains, I tried to select a gaming mouse, flash drive, and headphones. But then I got confused by big words like "optical" and "wireless" and put everything back. Methinks these purchase decisions are best left to my brother.
The whole experience reminded me of last night, when I was trying to buy CDs at Borders. (Thank you to everyone, for all the recommendations, by the way - I have written everything down in my nice pink shopping list pad.) CD-shopping at Borders is not for dummies. Everything is prohibitively expensive, to begin with, and it's all arranged in alphabetical order so you have to know what you want going in. Which, obviously, I didn't.
I gave up and went to That CD Shop instead, which is kind and patient and tells you exactly what you should be listening to in the form of generous discounts and entire walls of recommendations. So I ended up getting Scissor Sisters (cos c7676 listens to them, so must be good), Akon (cos I like Smack That, heehee), and some High Society Shanghai Divas thing (just to pamper myself). I have also decided that I want some unpretentious jazz stuff, some French rap, and Daft Punk's Discovery album. Any more suggestions?
Actually what I need recommendations for is books. (My blog has turned out to be an amazing source of recommendations so let's try this.) I am in a very-short-attention-span phase these days so I need something that reads easily but isn't trashy, is snappy but doesn't try too hard, and is plot-driven rather than philosophical and metaphorical. Something like - wait for it - Agatha Christie! I looked over my existing collection the other day and discovered to my horror that I'm actually short of eight books (probably lent out and will never be recovered) so I bought two yesterday. Or Neil Gaiman, but I have everything he's ever written already, I think. Even Marvel 1602, which I only discovered last week and which is awesome. Maybe I'm in a comic book mode. Or fantasy? Perhaps crime.
I'm restless. (And, apparently, depressed.) Is that obvious?
posted by zyn ::
10:35 PM ::
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You know that cliche about gamers being flabby and oily and slouching in front of the computer eating greasy chips with one hand while pressing keys with the other, a la South Park?
Well, it's true.
So I have coerced my brother into battlegrounding for me (he's skinny, he can handle it) while I attempt to avoid the downward spiral of fatty laziness by surfing the net on my bed.
It doesn't help that I'm feeling fat and lazy at work too. I can't snap out of the lingering holiday mood, now exacerbated by the knowledge that I have one glorious week of leave coming up soon. Yes I took leave to play Burning Crusade. I have probably hit an all-time low, except right now for some reason it feels like an all-time high.
Take today, for instance. For a few hours when I thought I was on the exclusive trail of some secret information, I felt a bit more like my old self - jittery, exhilarated, and running on adrenaline. Then I found out that it wasn't an exclusive after all and promptly lost all interest in the story. Bleah.
On a more enlightening note, this is how you become a good conversationalist, according to the Economist, which as we all know is the font of witty one-liners and killer kickers:
Speak clearly
(me fail)
Speak easily but not too much
(probably also fail)
Do not interrupt
(ok pass)
Be courteous
(except, of course, where stupid people are concerned)
Deal seriously with serious matters and gracefully with lighter ones
(my philosophy in life is flippancy)
Never criticise people behind their backs
(fail. abjectly.)
Stick to subjects of general interest
(this is why I always talk about Jay Chou, everyone is interested)
Do not talk about yourself
(see all these parentheses? fail)
Never lose your temper
(ah, finally, the one thing I can do)
Remember people's names
(and the one thing I can't)
Be a good listener
(yeah... mmmhmmm... uh huh...)
It strikes me that I know very few people who are good conversationalists. Fortunately this has never stopped me from having good conversations.
Possibly because I talk about myself all the time.
posted by zyn ::
12:24 AM ::
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I always open iTunes while I play WoW, which I do on my brother's computer, which has all kinds of weird shit on it. So today I found myself in the bizarre situation of tanking Baron Rivendare to the background melody of lilting piccolos, courtesy of some Mozart concerto.
Another not-so-random thought of the day: I like Alterac Valley the most of all the battlegrounds because there I can do what I do best - tank. Today I even got compliments from other random players. *blush* (I not so good at the PvP but I try my best because I want my shoulders and swiftblade.) I also like AV because we always win. Actually that's the main reason. The other BGs usually not so fun, but today some of us took on a premade from Frostwolf and completely went crazy in a suicide mission and we almost won! Kinda what I imagine the Workers' Party "suicide squad" in Ang Mo Kio must have felt like. Haha.
posted by zyn ::
2:27 AM ::
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I have just survived a family prayer session that involved singing and handouts. Which has led me to my first resolution of 2007: make fewer Christian jokes. After all, we Godless have to prove that we're nice people too.
But what a sin, to see all that humour going to waste.
My only other two resolutions this year: drink less and work less. People snort in disbelief when I tell them that, but as I told H. today, I'm starting from a really high base so these resolutions are totally achievable. All I have to do is refrain from finishing entire bottles of wine at night and stop coming into the office on weekends, public holidays, and when I'm on leave, for heaven's sake.
Only three resolutions this year because I only kept three out of ten last year. (Want to guess which three?) The good thing about having a year-old blog is that you can look back on the resolutions you made last January 1 and laugh at yourself for being so ambitious.
(I might squeeze another resolution in though - I'm looking for more, and more interesting, music. Thanks to Sports Boy, I'm now hooked on awesomeness like David Bowie's Life on Mars and Queen's Radio Ga Ga and of course Queen&DavidBowie's Under Pressure, which I found out a few months ago was stolen by Vanilla Ice. Bastards! (Stop laughing at me for my Queen ignorance, you oldies.) Anyway all recommendations welcome, except c7676's, because he listens to weird stuff.)
Where I work, we do year-end wraps and next-year outlooks for each of our beats, every year. Which, being as self-involved as I am, led me to muse about what would feature in the year-enders of my life.
Last year I will remember for only two things: the inhibition of braces and the intoxicating taste of red wine and cigarettes.
As for next year... I try not to get my hopes up. But sometimes they form a little bubble, much like the one now floating around Marina Bay Residences. We'll see, I suppose. (It's not like we really have a choice, anyway.)
To 2007 - may we all learn more about life, and the living of it.
posted by zyn ::
11:37 PM ::
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